It has been 2 years, 9 months and 16 days since my Dad passed away.
Or one thousand and sixteen days.
It’s been ages, yet it has been a split second, at the same time.
Some days are still pretty bad, but some are better than others. And today started off as one of the better ones. Since this is a good thing, I decided to be grateful about it, and write about it.
Last night, I dreamt that a very dear uncle of mine was hosting a huge party at his house. My cousins were there, my aunt and her sisters were there, and of course, my parents and siblings. It was an awesome party! Dreams where my Dad appears used to really upset me, but I’ve reached a stage in my grieving where they are more comforting than heart breaking.
(I've written about the stages of grief before- you can read the post here: http://kanyindo.blogspot.ug/2016/02/gratitude-list-stages-of-grief-revisited.html ).
Anyway, my alarm went off at 4am as usual, and as I got ready for work I was struggling to remember what happened in my dream. All I knew is that all my people were there, and that it was a great party.
The studio was empty when I got to work, and I had at least 30 minutes before the show started, so I decided to check out some Beatles videos on YouTube (the few originals that are left on there!). My Dad was a HUGE Beatles fan and as I grew up, I learned to love them too.
So there I was, listening to Here, There and Everywhere, when BOOM! Tears out of nowhere. Crikey, not this again, I thought. I was doing so well!
You know, before I lost my Dad, I believed that once people left this earth, they went to some other level that was so far removed from you that every part of their essence was gone from your life. But I’ve learned that when you love someone, and when that person loves you, they are with you forever.
Standing alone in the studio, crying and shaking, I literally heard my Dad telling me to pull myself together before my co-hosts got in, change the music to something slightly less melancholy, and try to smile.
So I did. And played Nowhere Man by the Beatles, off my Dad’s favourite album of theirs, Rubber Soul. I pulled myself together and did the show.
What am I trying to say here?
Whatever it is you are going through, understand that there are stages to everything. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself.
And don’t ignore that voice telling you to take a deep breath and be still. Sometimes, it’s all you need.